TV Junkie: "The Return... and the Newbie..."

Memo to…  EVERYONE: “Desperate Housewives” and “One Life to Live” star Tuc Watkins will be Off-Broadway this April, in White’s Lies, starring with Betty Buckley (“Eight is Enough”), Peter Scolari (“Newhart” and “Bosom Buddies”), Christy Carlson Romano (voice of Disney’s “Kim Possible”) and is that enough TV? Not to mention, they all have extensive theatre credits and Ms. Buckley even has one of them cute little Tony Awards, plus the chops of death, to add to her street cred. For more info on White’s Lies, check out www.whitesliesonstage.com

The Return - “Nurse Jackie”

Everyone’s favorite druggie nurse is back and the TVJ couldn’t be happier! The show is in full tilt, beginning with the statue of the Virgin Mary “taking one in the shoulder” from a stray bullet, to the hilarious scene in which Jackie has to lecture the other nurses on how to correctly dispense drugs from the machine, since some seem to be disappearing. Now where could they have gone? Merritt Wever is screamingly funny as poor put-upon Zoey, with timing that would make the Marx Brothers proud. But my heart belongs to Eve Best as Jackie’s partner in crime. Ok, maybe it’s just the accent…I’m a sucker for an accent. More in the weeks to come as Eddie gets chummy with Jackie’s family. Oh, that can’t be good!

The Newbie - Kirstie, Kirstie, Kirstie

Well, the show has started and I am here to report that our girl is crazier and funnier than ever. Isn’t that why we love her?  The first two episodes (they’re each 30 minutes long, or short, depending on just how much you love our girl) focus on Kirstie’s weight, and how she plans to lose it. In the first, we meet her kids Lillie and True, her stylist Tracy, her assistant Kelly, the apprentice Kyle (who has “power nap” issues, could make RuPaul look butch and appears to have the intelligence of the linoleum) and lots and lots of lemurs. We also meet Jim, the all-around (and we mean ROUND) handyman who she pays “by the job, instead of by the hour, because he’s so f*&)@#g slow.” After running from, but mostly chasing, the paparazzi, Kirstie knows she needs to shed a few (dozen) pounds. She has a New Year’s weigh–in, demanding that the amount she has to lose be told to her in British stones, because the number is lower than American pounds. I think you see where this is going. By the second episode, Jim has become her “chubby buddy,” because the Florida swamp lad is “one BIG gator,” and they attempt work out together to lose weight, with the help of a really hunky trainer. That’s all I’m gonna say, but this is better than any sit-com our girl has ever done. This is real life; nobody could make this s&%t up!

“Lost” Report

“Ab aeterno” is the name of this week’s episode, and it’s phenomenal! It’s also Richard, Richard and more Richard, or should I say Ricardo. We found out that what we figured was true: that Richard was shipwrecked on the island almost 150 years ago, and that Jacob gave him eternal life. What a magnificent performance by Nestor Carbonell, who the TVJ has adored since first noticing him on “Suddenly Susan.” Yes, the TVJ watched “Suddenly Susan.” Back to Richard, and I’m more confused than ever. All this heaven and hell, good and evil, God and Satan, man-in-black and Jacob – is this putting us on a path to the truth, or just giving us something else to think about, because “Lost” could never be THAT obvious! But isn’t it interesting, with all the black and white references, that Ricardo’s ship was the “Black Rock?” So, I now hand you over to my pal Bill Ervolino’s “Completely Lost” site. Enjoy! http://blogs.northjersey.com/blogs/completelylost

OK, Addicted!

(See Kirstie, Kirstie, Kirstie…above)

Guest Spots of the Week

Kathy Najimy on “Ugly Betty” was hilarious, but Donna Murphy as Eve? I SO want a face off with Eve & Willy before the series wraps. And the best guest star of the night? No, silly, not the Guggenheim, but America Ferrera’s un-braced teeth! Smile, girl!

IN MEMORIAM – three in a row…

Peter Graves, Fess Parker and Robert Culp all passed this week. Graves was best known to TV viewers as Jim Phelps on the ‘80s series “Mission Impossible,” while film-goers remember his comedy performances in the Airplane series. But I remember him from the ‘50s series “Fury” (about a boy and his horse) and for his chilling performance as Price, the Nazi spy in Billy Wilder’s 1953 masterpiece, Stalag 17. Culp, who passed away after a fall this week, was a bit of a ground-breaker, along with Bill Cosby, when they became the first inter-racial partners in prime time with “I Spy.” He also starred in “The Greatest American Hero,” but his recent turn as Debra’s father in “Everybody Loves Raymond,” was priceless. His film role as Bob in Paul Mazursky’s Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice, alongside Natalie Wood, Elliott Gould and Dyan Cannon, perfectly depicted the changing social mores of the late ‘60s “enlightened” sexual revolution. Both actors had hundreds of episodic TV roles to their credit and, oddly enough, both were working on projects when they died. But it’s Fess Parker who had that great impact on me, from “Davy Crockett” to Daniel Boone.” “Disneyland’s Davy Crockett” was the first show to merchandise itself into financial nirvana. I was one of those kids in the ‘50s with a coonskin cap, trading cards and a Davy Crockett lunch box. No Cinderella for me; Davy Crockett all the way! He left the business in 1973, and became a well-respected vintner and inn keeper. And I still cry every time I see Old Yeller.

See you next week…

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