The TV Junkie

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For the Record – Leno sucks, NBC sucks, Conan got robbed and Jimmy Kimmel is the only show to watch anyway. Kimmel donned a wig and a prosthetic chin and smacked Leno up one side and down the other. Every time he told a Leno-esque (read “bad”) joke, Cleto and the band hit dissonant chords and rim shots. Like nobody noticed that Leno is a lousy stand-up? Even Jimmy Fallon has a better show than Leno, and that’s saying a lot. Ok, Fallon is adorable and funny and snuggly, whatever.

I hope that Conan takes NBC to the cleaners for the balance of his contract, but he needs to take care of his staff, most of who relocated for him. Do the right thing, Conan.

Golden Globe Report – congrats to: “Grey Gardens” for a wonderful mixture of talent and topic and winner Drew Barrymore; Julianna Margulies for “The Good Wife,” which is not only a wonderful show, but is shot in NYC; “Madmen,” for evoking the ‘60s so realistically; Mo’Nique for a most deserved win for her unbelievable performance in Precious; Meryl Streep, simply for being Meryl Streep; Sir Paul McCartney, for noting that animation is not only for children, but for drug-doing adults; and last, but NEVER least, the team of Cher & Christina Aguilera for, as Cher put it, “shamelessly promoting Burlesque,” in more ways than one. But, Ricky Gervais? Love him, but, Ricky Gervais? And The Hangover? And Mel Gibson? Who invited him? BEST OF THE NIGHT: Sophia Loren: exquisite; Jody Foster: WOW; Scorsese: my hero; Jeff Bridges: a standing ovation plus he thanked his dad, Lloyd Bridges of TV’s “Sea Hunt;” and “GLEE”: well, musical theatre queens of the world, this one’s for us!!!

A Snooki Situation –

Now, as for “Jersey Shore” or, Snooki, Snooki, Snooki…My sister-in-law, Donna Marie, always tells me that I need to embrace the Italian part of me, and since I would have given her my allowance to protect me on the playground, I do what she says. So, here goes.

One more week of “Jersey Shore” (this Thursday at 10pm on MTV, with a reunion show at 11pm) and the first season is over. You notice, I said “first” season? There will be a season two, and we owe it all to Snooki. Ok, maybe we owe it to the guy who decked her in the bar and the punch going viral, but there WILL be a season two. Now, what have we learned from this show?

Number 1 – we learned that, no matter what all the Italian-American groups have to say, there are, in fact, “Guidos” and “Guidettes.” They all said the same thing about “The Sopranos,” like there was never a Mafia, right? According to my nephew, he “never met no people like that.” Now, the boy grew up in Bensonhurst, so I refuse to believe he never met a JWoww, or a Sami, or “The Situation.” If you have no clue as to what I’m talking about, you either live under a rock, or spend way too much time seeing Broadway musicals, in which case, you should be watching this show; boys with pecs for days.

Number 2 – if you work 7 days a week, like I do, you need some mind-numbing TV like “Jersey Shore” to slap you into the reality that nothing is THAT important. This is TV to have a beer and a slice to.

Number 3 – we have also learned that the “females” on the show (as they are referred to by the “Guidos”) are to be feared more than the guys. I would cross the street if any of them came after me and, I daresay, Donna Marie would be running with me.

Number 4 – according to Snooki, she and Mike (“The Situation”) hooked up. I swear, I saw this on “Chelsea Lately,” and Chelsea Handler does not lie. Ok, maybe a little. That’s not the real Geri Jewell on the show; it’s Heather pretending to be “Cousin Geri” from “Facts of Life.” More on this and Chelsea Handler, in a future column.

Special note – there’s a “Jersey Shore: Spoof’d” show on MTV that is hilarious. Not only does it show all the spoofs on the cast and videos of “Jersey Shore” wannabes, but it also includes the cast’s original video submissions. Cocktail!

The Last Word – OMG!!! LADY GAGA!!! Saw her on Oprah and I AM A FAN!!! See how useful Oprah is? According to Gaga (as she prefers to be called), all the ticket money from her concert and money from any merchandise sold on January 24^th will go to the people of Haiti. Celebs have very quietly been donating millions. Oh, all except Madonna. Seems Madge only ponied up $250,000, along with a press release. ‘nuf said…

See you next week with a daytime special: “Then there was One…Life to Live.”

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